


Loki's secret diary

by nothingnessla



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: "kneel in front of me mortals", M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-17 23:16:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingnessla/pseuds/nothingnessla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i'm loki. I am awesome. I am now human and stuck in midgard. It doesn't matter, i'll still take over your world. Kneel in front of me. And for my own sake clint do not touch my diary!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki's secret diary

SECRET DIARY OF THE ONLY REAL GOD. KNEEL IN FRONT OF ME PUNY MORTALS.

Day 1  
Odin banned me from Asgard. I am now mortal. I hate him. I hate Thor.  
Day 2  
I hate Thor.  
Day 3  
I really hate Thor.  
Day 4  
I hate Thor.   
Crappy day. Had to find a flat, stupid Tony Stark kicked me out of the tower after I died Captain’s America ‘s uniform in green. I offered to also dye his hair orange and to give him a clover so could stand for Ireland but my proposition was rejected. Thought Logan did offer him a beer afterward. They have no sense of humor.  
Day 5  
I hate Thor. Jail is a crappy place. Thought I did manage to make all of my fellow co-offenders cry. I felt fantastic afterward. I don’t understand why they think that throwing out a woman from a window to stay in her flat is a bad thing. I did the same to Stark and he still invited me back afterward. Stupid midgardians. I had to spend the night there but after a while Stark understood his place and paid to get me out. Or maybe it was because I also made the policemen cry. Whatever.   
Day6  
I hate Thor. They told me that I am only allowed to stay in the tower if I go see a psychologist to speak about my daddy issues. I don’t have daddy issues. That’s not true. I hate my dad who betrayed me and lied to me since my childhood and who threw me out of home. You see? Perfectly normal life. I completely don’t have daddy issues. Or brother complex. Anyway. I hate Thor.  
Day7  
I hate Thor. Went to the psychologist. Made her cry. Life is great.  
Day8  
I hate Thor. Switched all Banner’s herbal tea by a strange plant called “weed” I found in Stark’s closet. He told me the Hulk loved my aerodynamics when he banged me against the floor. He was stating the obvious. I know I have a great body. Strangely, when Doombots appeared, he didn’t manage to Hulk out. It is something I need to investigate. I leave you for a bit, dear diary, those robots are beginning to burn my scrolls. I shall burn them in retaliation.  
Back. Noone thanked me! I mean, I just solved the Banner’s anger problem, they should at least kneel a little bit! Ungrateful puny humans. They assigned me to bread shopping in retaliation. Poor fools.   
Day9  
I hate Thor. Went to the bakery today. I think I have a plan. I heard two blond female whispering to each other about the secret power of a weapon named “sexipanties”. They said that while wearing them, they felt transformed. As if they could conquer the world. Stupid mortals, the world is mine. Thought such a device could be useful. Asked Stark about where I could find some. He choked on his coffee. Just hearing the word “panty” seems to trigger a fear reaction. Perfect.   
Day10  
I hate Thor. Went to the panty shop today. When I told the midgardian dwarfs that I wanted an empowering one, they gathered around me, emitting strange giggling sound. They do the same around the man of Iron. It seems to be a natural reaction when they recognize a born leader. Told them to kneel. They answered “whenever you want”. I think I have the roots of my new army.   
I bought the “sexy white panty with lace and a cute little red button to open all your fantasies” model. Strange name. When I doubted its power, the dwarf in charge told me that with this, all would worship me. My faithful soldiers all agreed.   
Back at home.Tried to make the panty work its magic. When Thor first closed his hand around Mjolnir, he just had to hit the first thing available and it worked. This might abide the same pattern. Threw it to the wall and added vocal incentive for safety measures.  
-I COMMAND YOU TO WORK!   
No result. The panty device is now an ungraceful heap on my floor. Unacceptable.  
Day11  
I hate Thor. Decided to fish out for information about how to start The Weapon. Got up early and watched “beep bbep and the coyote” with Hulk on the strange square box with little humans on it. He pushed on a red button and his object exploded.I tried to push the red button on the panty. Didn’t work. I feel depressed.  
Went back to the shop. Told my army that the device wasn’t working. Probably a building problem. One laughed at me, telling that I wasn’t enough to get the stallion. I handed her one of the small “strings” from the shelves as she obviously wasn’t mature enough to play with the bigger weapon. She sorely needed help. It is common knowledge I already conquered the best stallion in Asgard. Even if I don’t see what The weapon has in common with a stallion. Mortals are weird.  
Day12  
I hate Thor. Bored. Covered the landing spot of the man of Iron with suntan oil. He slipped and crashed into Black Widow’s flower parterre. He is still trying to hide the damages before she comes back. I feel way better now. I’ll try to watch some “TV” with the Hulk to get informations. Back in a minute dear diary.  
Found it! We watched a documentary named Superman and I have now my answers. The panty must be worn outside the armor. Like the red one of the Superman. Tried it. It looks good on the green of the armor. Walked in the dining room dressed for battle. The humans collapsed to the floor with jarring sounds. They don’t seem to be able to catch their breath. The mission is a success. I won.


End file.
